"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last thing of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Viktor Frankl
Hi! My name is Jason Jones. I live in La Vernia, TX, a small town outside of San Antonio. I'm married to my high school sweetheart, Brea, and we have two daughters and son. I grew up Southern Baptist and attended church my whole life. I used to think I had everything figured out about God and how He operated. Attend church regularly, give, serve, pray - you name it we did it. The formula was working well up until June 12, 2011.
That day was like any other Sunday morning. Off to church we went with our perfect little family. Jacob, our three year old son, and I left after the service together to have a late breakfast. The girls stayed behind to help set up for vacation bible school. After we ate, Jacob and I went home. I put him down for a nap and I went into my room to lay down too.
I fell asleep and at some point Jacob got up from his bed, walked outside, and got into our family car. By the time I woke up and found him, it was too late. Our only son had passed away.
Our story is one of terrible tragedy and it's every parent's worst nightmare.
With the passing of Jacob, I lost the dreams I had for him, my dreams of being a father to a son, part of my identity, and most of my faith. Understandably, I went into a very deep depression; overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. And, to my suprise - God was nowhere to be found. My experience of God's silence led me to become deeply angry and bitter - eventually leading me to question if God was real at all.
Could what I had believed my whole life be a sham? Does God exist? If so, where was He when I needed him most? Where was God when Jacob needed him? When I prayed over Jacob every night of his life for protection - was God listening? If God is in control, why do innocent children suffer and die everyday? If God can intervene in this world - why didn't he do it for Jacob?
Those are some of the questions I went on a quest to find answers to. Over the last four years I've been trying to make sense of how God could have let something like this happen to our family. I've sought out help from a number of theologians, pastors, and therapists in an effort to find peace with life and my faith. The tools, their words of encouragement, and advice were the finger tips that held open a closing door on my soul, so light was still able to trickle in.
At some point in all of our lives, something goes terribly wrong, and our faith is shaken to the core. I want to share my experience so that others can see that hope can be found on the other side of tragedy.